How to Make a Grapevine Wreath, Hot Farm Boy Optional

I’ve wanted to make a Grapevine Wreath for a gazillion years, but for some reason, suspected it would be an intensive process that required years of foraging knowledge, a hiking expedition up Everest, a chainsaw, full body armour, and a baby pool.
Oddly, none of those things are necessary. 

As it turns out, all you actually need is large, strapping farm boy, a tree trimmer, and a few expletives.   I’m not sure how the above-mentioned correlates exactly to grapevines, but that’s how I acquired mine.

Hot, strapping farm boy, unnecessary chainsaw, and some tree that’s not a grapevine.

I saw Bealer trimming trees near our grapes the other day, and he got the trimmer stuck in a tree. Then he said, “@#*!”.  And then I went inside and when I came back out there was grapevine in the yard which he had saved for me to “make a Grapevine wreath”. It might have been sorcery. I’m not sure. But it’s certainly the easiest way to get materials.

If you don’t have a large, strapping farm boy of your own, first, I’m sorry. Second, you should really get one. They’re terribly nice to look at…especially when they’re shirtless, muscles flexing, wielding a large saw, just a little bit sweaty…..

But, if you don’t have a farm boy yet, don’t worry. You can do it yourself.

Grapevine

First, find a Grapevine. They can be located in your neighbor’s yard, the local winery or the woods. I would opt for the neighbor’s yard or the woods. You’ll probably get distracted by all the wine samples at the winery, end up a hot hammered mess, mascara running, crying alone in a field over your non-existent hot, sweaty farm boy.

Then, cut the vine off. Preferably at a shoot so it can keep growing and you can make more wreaths next year.

Next, eat all the grapes. Or make them into jelly. Or wine. 

These are grapes.

Strip the leaves, but save the tendrils because they’re freakin’ adorable.

See the little curlycue tendrils? Ain’t they the cutest?!

Wrap and wrap in a circle and twist around and wrap and twist some more.

Finished wreaths waiting to dry

Lay it flat in a cool, dry place for a few days until it’s brown.

That’s it. Farm boy optional.

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