It’s oft been said to me that being Queen of the Universe must be a terrribly difficult position to hold, what with all the responsibility.
But I can assure you, it’s not all bad. You get a nice chair. And your minions take care of all the mindless, exhausting tasks the average peon is burdened with on a daily basis.
I have Maeve, the royal tooth brusher, Louis, the royal dress picker outer, and of course my royal food testers. I can’t be bothered to recall any of their names… they’re always clutching their throats and flailing about. Miserable lot, them.
And while I do so loathe listening to the incessant droning drivel of the serfs in court, I must admit I do derive a certain satisfaction each time I get to yell “Off With Their Heads!”.
Which I do on the reg.
In fact, between us, it’s my favorite part. I hold court in the gardens. The view is nice (both the botanicals and the executioner’s bum) and it’s easier to wash all the blood away after a long day. Ahhhhh, such good stress relief.
Now you too can practice the joy and relaxation of head removal in your own little garden. And you don’t even need to hose off the walks after.
It’s called deadheading in the plant world. The purpose of which is to remove flowers which are past their peak so the plant can utilize its energy to promote new growth.
It’s really quite simple.
First, find a flower on the plant which is past prime.
Now slide down the stem of the spent flower with your fingers until you are near the base.
And now for the very best part! Pinch or cut the stem of the spent flower whilst screaming “Off with their head!”.
No, no. Do it again……
A little louder…… There you go.
Ahhhhh. Quite satisfying wasn’t it?
Work your way way through the plant repeating the above process until all naughty, ragged flowers have been eliminated and you’ll find yourself left with a lovely, perfect, well-behaved plant. Before you know it, like loyal subjects, your entire garden will be showing you its very best.